Most don’t know that, during the 1961-62 season, the year in which he scored 100 points in one game, basketball great Wilt Chamberlain shot all of his free throws underhand. Even fewer know that he precipitously stopped shooting underhand for one reason and one reason only: what others thought of him. Famed sports psychologist Michael Gervais termed this phenomenon FOPO: Fear of Other People’s Opinions. A notoriously bad free-throw shooter has his best-ever season from the strike, acquires a case of FOPO, and abandons a system that works (he promptly returned to his staggeringly low free-throw shooting percentage the next season). For a man who taught an endless number of helpful basketball lessons, this may have been his most valuable: Focusing on the wrong things can have a catastrophic impact.
It is completely normal and even evolutionarily beneficial to care about what others think (By looking over to gauge the speed of my fellow antelopes, I can decide to run faster and not get eaten by the predator on the prowl). BUT, we are not antelopes and are most often not in danger of being eaten, at least I hope so. So, whose opinion should we care about? I often have the athletes and executives I work with draw a small table with a limited number of seats to help them identify whose opinions truly matter to illustrate the relatively small number of people who’s opinion really matter. Additionally, in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***, Mark Manson highlights the notion that we have a limited number of F’s to give and thus must choose them wisely. Examples of better F’s: embracing uncertainty, investing in deep relationships, and taking ownership of your choices rather than focusing on what happens to you.
How have you allowed what others think to negatively impact your life?
Whose opinions actually matter to you?
Which F’s do you choose to give moving forward?