Imagine, you are hosting a dinner party when it is abruptly interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Somewhat frustrated, you open the door only to find an unwanted guest. First, you firmly close the door in its face, but the knocking continues. Then you attempt to ignore the knocking but it is clearly disrupting not only your experience but the experience of the partygoers as well. Ultimately, you decide that the best option is to welcome this unruly guest in, grab him a plate of food, and sit down to learn more about why he is there. This individual may let you know that they saw smoke and came to let you know your house is on fire or they may have some other wildly irrational, negative thing to say about you and your party. Either way, this information is educational.
You may be wondering why I am yammering on about some made-up dinner party, but what if I told you that this is not about a dinner party at all? Rather, it is a metaphor often used by the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) community to illustrate our relationship with our thoughts and feelings. If we were to welcome unwanted thoughts and feelings rather than resisting them, suppressing them, or ignoring them, we would likely find that this more curious, empathic, nonjudgmental approach allows us to see this information as educational rather than disruptive.
This approach, developed by Susan David, is known as emotional agility and is wildly beneficial not just in our professional and athletic pursuits, but in our everyday lives. Emotions can be incredible teachers if we let them be. They can teach us about what we care about, what we regret, and how to mindfully move forward and design our best life.